One month later...
Shortly after I finally quit my shitty job ... (Click! to read!)
I really don't wanna go out to run...
I did actually nothing the last month. No running, no training, no boxing. I was busy with my shitty job, then I finally quit, then I was busy with pulling my shit together, then I did, but then I was so tired...and now here I am, gained some extra kgs, still lazy to run, still lazy to move and still can't stop eating....
Just like that:
I was tired and sad and food made me happy. That's all what happened. So simple. I didn't wanted to talk and I didn't wanted to go out, just wanted to disappear and feel nothing...and food doesn't wanna talk and go out, food made me happy just with its appearance and taste. And I was tired...sooo tired...so-so-so tired of life, just to exist...
And beyond all the stuff I didn't do, I didn't cook. Pastry and pizza became daily visitors at my house and I've always had an excuse to eat and I've certainly always had an excuse to eat at night ... cause "it feels sooo good" and "I'm hungry anyways"...
I had to stop that! I wanted to! But it felt sooo safe and nice to eat, to feel my stomach full and warm, felt safe and good. And I needed safety, cause everything was new and scary and unstable.
But that's no life. Food shouldn't be my bestie or my therapist or a safety net :(
The most difficult thing was to stop eating at night.
After a while I could eat less during the day, but at night...was impossible to stop!!!
"at night" means, in the evening before going to bed.
In order to eat less, I once had to remain hungry. Why? Cause I ate through the whole day, I ate very often and much and in the evening I simply had to eat my next portion cause I was indeed hungry.
In the morning I was sooo motivated!! Drink just a milky capuccino in the morning, wait up with breakfast until I'm really hungry, then eat something again in the early afternoon around 2 p.m., eat one of my favourites, but not too much...but then came the night...and I ate again good und much ...
